The Art Collective

 It's only been weeks since we met and truly only days for us to finally get introduced but to me it feels like a lifetime. I did not realize how much I was drowning or how much pain I was ever in until she came along and threw me that emotional lifeline. From Mother's Day to memorial day and the birthday in-between, from calling me Daddy when she's my good little girl to when she's happy and flipping to being drunk and mean. We try to fight but we just end up getting into a fantastic debate. Without hesitation she literally gave me the shirt off her back when I didn't feel so great. She is the embodiment of the uncontrollable nature of a devastating storm, but when she is with me she, I am the one that nurtures the relaxation and all of her calm. Without ever saying a word she knows every detail about me. She takes every opportunity to reveal her past because she knows that she can't scare me.  She's not interested in the material things but I'm going t...

 I just wanted to let you know how much I really appreciate everything you've done for me. You've taught me so many things. You've shown me things I never thought could possibly be true. You've shown me that it was only me standing in my own way when all the time I thought it was you stopping me from chasing my dreams, or simply saying what i wanted when I needed to. You've been with me every step of the way my whole life, but now the time has come for me to let you go your own way. There are other people out there who need you much more than I do. I thank you for everything up to this point, but now it's time to say goodbye. I am letting you go. It's my time now. There's nothing left for you to show me. I am ready to face the world all on my own from here on out. I'm standing on my own two feet. I will cast you aside and be the light in this darkened world... And I will not be afraid of you anymore.....

We, as humans, too easily accept our ability to forget about people when we no longer need them. It's not an admirable quality but it's one that almost all of us have.....

  BMILLUSTRATION IS AN AMAZING ARTIST THAT I JUST CAME ACROSS I know it’s been awhile since I posted, had many health issues going on that I really couldn’t do anything, so I had to put this aside. But I am trying to get back to this, just getting back to my career and starting up my small business, Prismatic Skies , has been taking up my time. Tonight though, I came across an artist on DeviantArt that goes by the username BMIllustration  and I just had to do a quick post! These are my personal favorites below, but be sure to check out BMIllustration on DeviantArt  for more! -Vanessa

  The Shay Saga - Part VIII This isn't the first time I've been somebody's dark secret or sidepiece or whatever you want to call it. This is not the first time I've played this game. Monogamy is for people later in life or once you reach a certain level with someone. However, this is the first time I've actually cared about my position and I don't know what to do about it. The fucked up part about being a secret in someone else's life, means that I can't talk to anyone about it or else it violates the unspoken rules of the whole thing. Just writing this out is walking a fine line but if I can't talk to myself about all of this, who can I? Especially since talking to the other party involved doesn't really give me any answers so I might as well talk to myself anyway... I want to interact with this person the way I should be able to, but there's too many damn walls around us right now. It's literally making me sick. It's no wonder the d...

            The Shay Saga - Part VII Maybe it's because I can see the end that she says isn't coming that keep invading my thoughts before bed each night is the reason why I continue to have these nightmares. Maybe it's because I'm fighting a war that I already know is lost is the reason why I continue to feel the pain I do. She says that she never wants me to leave yet I'm always watching her go or she keeps pushing me away. Why am I always standing alone when it's time to pick up all the pieces. Why am I always standing alone when she says "I'll always be there for you..."  One day she'll see that I was always there when she needed me. Until the day she comes back to me and realizes that I am no longer standing there waiting for her... I honestly don't know what hurts more. Knowing that this is goodbye or not even given the opportunity to say goodbye one last time..... She took for granted the fact that I would always be there so leaving ...

 The Shay Saga - Part VI I am become Death. As a former addict, I am well aware when I am immunocompromised. The systems going offline, so to speak. Kidneys shut down and the body expelling all the toxicity I've accumulated over the years. My body, mind and spirit needed a hard reset. Getting to and staying on my feet was an impossible task. The pain was familiar but something new entirely... But when she was near me.....  I began to regain my strength. I felt my heart beat faster. I noticed my soul sensed it's purpose. I am becoming the Resurrection. What once was the feeling of Death coming near had become the strength I needed to push on with a message from Her that simply stated "Knock knock" because she was at the front door. Just Her presence alone was enough to make me feel so much better, but it was Her touch that made me feel brand new. It was Her scent that allowed me to regain my footing. And yet, it was Her eyes that gave me the focus to do everything that...

                 The Shay Saga - Part IV  Slowly she's learning that there's more to me than she previously thought. Now she's starting to see the darkness that's been hiding slightly beneath the surface, waiting to be fully unleashed, and yet...  She doesn't deserve me. Never has. Never will. She's just a piece of trash to be tossed aside when finished with. She needs to be tied down because I don't want her filthy hands touching me. If she tries to speak, I will choke her until she learns that nothing she says matters. Especially if she tries to say no. That's when she needs a good slap. She's a piece of shit. She's lucky if I only slap her. She's just an object. A toy for my pleasure. I'll push her face into a pillow or wall because she doesn't even deserve to look at me. I will enter her when I want and in any place I want. And I know where she wants me, but she has not earned that yet. She deserves to be spit on, scratched up a...

 You know the feeling when you breakup & get back together again & it happens over & over but then there's the breakup that just feels so different that every nerve gets shot & you can't even talk because you've never felt that way before & everything just kind of.... I don't know, stops? Like you're frozen in time. And you can't shake the feeling. That everything you know about this life is about to change for good & you know its not in a good way & there's nothing you can do to stop it? I'm here to let you know that no matter what you go through, no matter what anybody does to you, you're going to be just fine. You are going to survive. You're going to fall asleep and come morning time, once again, you are going to wake up and do what you've been doing all this time... you're going to live. You're going to eat, breathe, smell, touch, feel, move, walk, run, jump, fly, soar, fall, land, lay, push, pull, thr...

The Shay Saga - Part III  One day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna realize that I'm gone and that I'm never coming back. There might be someone there that you reach for, but it won't be me that you see. I hope that when that day comes that you don't regret what has become of us. We can't predict the future, we can't change the past, we can only control our present, the present is a gift to be cherished, like the memory that was us. I hope the day never comes when you realize I was the one. I wouldn't want you to feel the loss the same way I had to endure.  I See You

 Good evening, my beautiful monsters.  Today, like all of you reading this, I woke up. I did not choose to wake up, it was just one of those natural, everyday miracles that get overlooked by most and appreciated by even less. However, I can choose what kind of day I wish to experience. Today I choose to be alone. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain, loneliness, focus, passion, love... I am able to mold this day that I have been given into whatever I desire it to be. To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices, decisions wether good or bad that will shape me into whoever I'm trying to be. Today I choose to feel the loneliness I have been experiencing more often these last few months, not to deny my humanity but embrace it. This freedom of choice is not exclusive to me. It's not my secret tactic. You too have this ability. And even though I spent the day in the past, it was a choice to make it a l...

 You know you found someone special when they're willing to put the same energy into you as you do for them. Any type of Love should always feel like a two-way street.  One day I hope to know what that feels like..... 

 I think I know now what I realize we are... Two catastrophically wounded people who don't express the depths of their pain because they don't want to. That's our connection. You can't really take back the things that you say, but it's more likely that you'll regret the things you could have said but didn't.....

 I cannot die. There is nothing you can do that will ever stop my beating heart. You see, just as long as my heart still beats, blood will flow through my veins, and I will continue to live. And surely, if my heart hasn't been stopped by now, it never will. My heart must be invincible. My heart was your playground for far too long. My heart continues to beat to this day even when you took it for rides that were meant to be still my beating heart. Even when you took it on the ever so scary emotional rollercoaster, my heart still beats. And I am still here. Living. To those of you who stabbed me in the heart, right through my chest, I am here saying to you, there is still blood that courses through my veins. Some of you even stabbed my heart, not through my chest, but stabbed through my back, and yet alive I am still. My heart does bleed, but my heart does still beat. I can understand why all of you would hurt my heart, it is quite the easy target. Often times I imagine it seems as i...

 If you woke up tomorrow, and saw my obituary in the paper, how would you think of me then? Would you remember all the good times with me then? Would all the hate disappear only to be replaced by the love we once shared? Would you cry for me? Would you regret anything wrong you've ever said or done to me?......... Would I finally recieve your forgiveness for my past sins?..... Would you forget the history and all the hurt I may have caused you?..... Would this be the time you remembered what it was like to be in my arms, and wish that you could have that just one last time?..... The last time we spoke, or maybe spent some time together, if you knew then that might have been the last time we communicated, would you have liked it to be different? Why is it now that I'm dead and gone, that you're actually missing me when I'm away from you? When I was alive, you took for granted that no matter what happened between us, that I would always be there, in someway, and when you ...

 That's not a puddle that you so carelessly are playing in. No, that is a collection of tears. So many emotions get hidden by those that pretend to be stronger than they really are for whatever noble reason they choose, but tears have to fall regardless so that's when the clouds crack open and you call it rain. It's why rainy weather makes most people sad or feel pain. Yet, you look forward to the clouds and feeling the wetness on your skin. The sounds of thunder make you smile because you know the destructive power of lightning is sure to follow. Now think about that..... Circa: 12/6/22

 Even if the battle seems lost, do not give up the fight. Do not quit, do not surrender. You never know when the war will end.....

The Shay Saga - Part II  ..... I have to learn how to let you go.  Sure, we're all just people, but who you are as a person holds much more meaning to me as a person. I see all kinds of people all day everyday, but when I see you, I see so much more than a person. I see beauty. I see potential. I see pain. I see determination. I see the future. I see perfection. I see something that was once broken, trying to be fixed again... And sure, that was just a sentence, but if the words that formed that sentence were weightless, than saying anything would be easy. If words were so easy to say, I'm sure you would have mentioned Michael to me long before you realized that I knew about him. If words held no weight, then you would have not been uncomfortable when I chose my words poorly when I was around you. Words can be weapons. Words can inspire. Words can change the course of history. Words can save a life. To me, words are the heaviest thing you can throw around. To me, you are every...

 The Shay Saga - Part I When you see someone posting on social media about all these brand new feelings they're having but you know damn well you've been there for over a year providing those same feelings, it kinda makes you feel like you were less than nothing. One day, someone will fight for your love with the same ferocity that you have been fighting with and then you'll know that all the pain you've been suffering through has been worth it. Don't pave the road for others to walk down, find the person who's willing to pave the road for you and walk it together...

  It's amazing how far a person will go when someone believes in them.....